más haikus separados

el sol ausente
volando sin balance
con tu deseo

las ramas que me
abrazan, tuercen sin mis
limitaciones

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­el brillo de la
estrella engaña la
luna aislada

el poema

allí lejano,
yo luché por tenerte
no volviste. fe.

no eres más que
mis imaginaciones.
peor decepción.

ahora sé que
no me quieres. tengo
el laberinto.

mi esperanza,
disfrutar del paseo.
la nueva luz.

embracing dat dur real world

Last weekend I took a mini-roadtrip to good ol' Stockholm, WI to volunteer at my summer camp. With the snow starting to melt (despite recent blizzards) and the lake starting to unfreeze, I can't help but become ridiculously eager to start my job again there. I feel stuck in the city, just constantly bored with whats going on around me. Luckily, the idea of being outdoors, playing games and teaching my kids lessons-o-life re-energizes me to get me thru the rest of this school year.

During my drive to camp, I was able to slow down a bit, figuratively (and literally b/c I got pulled over ha) and appreciate what was happening around me. The night was warmer, aka above -3, and best of all the night was clear. Tho I couldn't fully be grateful whilst driving, I found later that I am never more at peace with myself than I am when I'm able to sit next to a bonfire, tell stories, be with friends and have the night sky above me.

I think more so, the idea of exploring the world and simply living life as an adventure is whats so appealing to me. My Jterm time in Spain sort of catapulted this travel bug within me, this need to do more with my life then hang out in the US and be bored. There is so much more to be experienced out there and I can't help but want it. While still in college, I'm finding it a little easier, with loans being deferred and programs giving me credit for my adventures. The most exciting of which is my (hopefully) internship next year thru HECUA in Quito, Ecuador. I can't even begin to describe how excited I am being able to combine my two majors and see more of the world.

Worries sneak into my head tho when I think about life after college. How am I going to be able to keep exploring, keep traveling, keep living when I have bills to pay, and supposed responsibilities to fulfill? I've come to the consensus that there is nothing in the world that should stop me from doing what I feel I need to do with my life. Various inspirations have come to me from places like this new fancy book I want to read or the one I've already read. What's interesting is the focus of the real world as being the 9-5 grind- in my eyes the real world is out there, away from that repetition. Its there for me to experience and learn from and oh geez am I excited. Other notable programs that have caught my eye are NOLS and Rotary Ambassadorial Scholarships.

EEEEEEEP! Life should be exciting, and so it shall be.

my gray anatomy

Throughout this Easter break, I have taken on the project of watching Grey's Anatomy for the first time in my life. I knew getting into it that it might be a bad idea, wasting my time like this. Now, 49 episodes later, the verdict is still out. I would like to think that getting this emotionally involved in the lives of fictitious characters may be unhealthy for me- that it is bad to pretend that life is this intricately-written web of love, lies and lust. But minus that whole "doctor" thing (psh), I think I can relate and watching these people gives me some sort of comfort.

But, then, at the end of each episode, I get pissed, real pissed. Mainly because it would be much easier for me if I was able to have that ominous voice-over to my day- one that summarizes what I should have learned or taken from my experiences. Boo. Instead, I'm forced to lie in bed at night, stare at my ceiling, and simply be confused. With Izzie in mind..Really? Seriously?...That is just not fair Meredith.

I mean, why do I have to teach myself here? I know (and by "know" I mean I'm guessing from all the medical shows I watch) that the lives of doctors and/or surgeons are tough- their hours are long, their days are exhausting but somehow they find time for all the love, lies and lust. This is where the unrealisticness (mmhmm its a new word) comes to bite me in the ass. Because, realistically, McDreamys don't come back, Alexs are always jerks and Georges never get over the one that got away. Realistically, this show is a bunch of crap to my bitter, sleep-deprived psyche.

Pero tengo que vivir en positivo. Esperanza.

"At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. Its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away."

Thanks for the hope Mere

in the beginning..

to begin a new journal or diary or blog, at least in my life, there is usually some motivating event. not really for this, though. the motivating event -- our brother's joined blog -- has all but died out, and now we've made our lazy way to opening up ours. we have been putting off opening our joined sister blog for... years? well, no longer. bring some water along, this is sure to be SpIcY!